Denmark's Difficulties, Part I

While most of Copenhagen is lovely and wonderful and everything of the sort, there are some things I've found less than fun. Mostly the troubles come from being foreign here, that is, having American expectations in a seemingly-similar but actually pretty different society. As I come across them and remember to take photo evidence supporting them, I'll post more.

Dr Pepper

I suppose I hadn't really thought about how much I would miss ready availability to Dr Pepper, otherwise known as What Runs Through My Veins. But here, the only sodas are Coke, Coke Light, Faxe Kondi, and Fanta in a limited range of flavors.

The level of domination here really surprised me. It's worse than going to school in Waxahachie - at least there you can get root beer or something.

So, imagine my surprise when one day, there in the kiosk of the train station, I saw it - like a beacon of light shining down from the heavens, it drew me to it. A bottle of Dr Pepper. Oh, I was near giddy at the thought of its smooth, sugary taste pouring into my mouth, tiny bubbles of effervescent delight tingling my tongue.




I readily paid about 17 kroner for the bottle (that's almost $3 for a half-liter, and that's the normal price at any sort of convenience outlet or restaurant) and walked to the bench to wait for the train.

Since you guys know me, you know how I feel about Dr Pepper. To refresh your memories: I can not only tell the difference instantly between Dr Pepper and off-brand imitations, I also discern between those imitations. (Dr. Thunder: acceptable if funds are severly limited, Dr. Bob: abominable and wrong.) Diet Dr Pepper does not taste more like the real thing, it tastes like Diet Dr Pepper. If anyone offers me Mr. Pibb instead of Dr Pepper, they will receive a scathing look of derision and a request for ice water instead (intensity of said look dependent on how well I know the person offering).

And so, imagine my surprise when, upon opening this bottle of real, authentic Dr Pepper and taking a sip, it tasted nothing like Dr Pepper. It didn't even taste like an imitation Dr Pepper! In disbelief, I tried it again, and again, utter disappointment reigned supreme. It was bitter, tinny-tasting, nothing like the real thing. I could barely drink it!

A second glance at the label showed a possible explanation - it proudly proclaimed "Now with less sugar!" I cringed in horror and capped the bottle, hoping maybe it would get better after it had been opened or something. (It did not.)

Later, after discussion with a fellow student who I saw had a non-drinken Dr Pepper, we read the nutrition facts and saw this imposter had only 7 grams of sugar. SEVEN! Do you know how many grams of sugar Actual Dr Pepper has? 40. I shudder to think of any other changes the bastards have made, ruining the brand's international name.

I asked some Danes how they felt about Dr Pepper, and their reaction was visceral and instant - "It tastes like SHIT," Torben said. "Absolute shit," echoed Rico. Though I tried to explain how different it tastes in America, they were unconvinced it could ever be good, and probably thought much less of me after that.

And therein lies the rub -- I would be much happier if I couldn't get Dr Pepper at all. I would just think, "Hey, this country is really missing out. Bunch of twits." But instead, I'm faced with this fake product masquerading as genuine DP. Now that I know it exists and is horrible, I see it all the time, and each time I am torn between wanting to pour it all out so no one has to drink it and between wishing it could be American.

*Note* Care packages are accepted. E-mail me or comment if you'd like my address so you can ship over a 12-pack!!